Gary Chapman, Ph.D., proposed that there are five ways to express and receive love within a relationship in his book ‘The 5 Love Languages’.
His theory concludes that most people will have one primary and one secondary love language.
The unfortunate truth is that not every person will share the same love language, thus causing a rift in some relationships.
The great news is that people will typically give love the way that they expect to receive love.
As such, figuring out one’s love language is effectively achieved by examining how they communicate their appreciation.
Determining a partner’s love language may be just the thing you need to fix a rough patch.
The following are the five languages that Gary Chapman describes in his book:
Words of Affirmation
Those who use words of affirmation as their 5 love languages will value verbal reminders and acknowledgments of affection.
There is an importance in audibly and regularly reminding them how much care is within the relationship.
Things like compliments, vocal encouragement, and frequent reminders that they are loved will brighten the day of anyone with this language.
It is also crucial that these reminders be genuine, as the word’s intentions and emotions will be a priority for these parties.
When dating a partner that uses words of affirmation as their primary language, be mindful during conversations, and use words wisely.
Audibly notate the positive things within the relationship and try not to focus on the negative.
Those who use quality time as their primary language of the 5 love languages will appreciate and feel the most loved when their significant other wants to spend time with them.
Activities that allow one another’s full presence will mean the world to these individuals.
People with this language will want to have your undivided attention.
As such, it will be beneficial to intentionally set time aside to make sure that collectively more time is spent together.
With a little effort, this love language is quickly spoken by making eye contact, developing a routine, and putting technology away.
When in a relationship with a person who sees quality time as their primary way to express love, take time to focus on one another, allow time to unplug from technology, and listen to your partner.
Those who use material objects and items as their primary of the 5 love languages will feel most loved when provided with tangible acts of love.
The monetary value of something is not what makes these types of people feel valued.
People with this approach to love will acknowledge the process of obtaining and gifting a present.
These individuals want to feel as though there has been a detail-oriented effort into choosing the item.
When dating a partner that values receiving gifts as their primary love language, put extra thought into an anniversary or birthday present.
Remember: these people will want something genuine and memorable—the more mindful the gift, the happier the significant other.
Acts of Service
Those who see acts of service of the 5 love languages will appreciate when their partners go out of their way to make their lives a little easier.
Things like doing the dishes, cleaning around the house, making breakfast for them, or helping cook will make all the difference for this personality type.
More specifically, these individuals will want to have their acts of service completed unexpectedly.
When seeing a partner that prefers acts of service as their primary love language, go out of your way to show that you care.
Do not expect to be told what is needed and try to find random ways to make their days more comfortable.
Of the 5 love languages, those who use touch as their primary love language feel the most cared for when presented with kisses, hand holdings, sex, or massages.
Physical contact is incredibly affirming for these types of people as it serves as an emotional connector.
Personalities with this language will be less likely to need verbal cues and affirmations as they use their body to communicate.
When dating a partner that uses the language of touch, it is essential to remember that slight touches on the arm or kisses on the forehead may be enough to woo them.
Physical contact is the most straightforward of all the languages, so make sure to put in the effort to satisfy your significant other.
When determining how to improve your relationship, the five love languages can be an excellent starting point.
While they are not the only way to ensure a happy and healthy relationship, they will surely guide one in the right direction to better understand their partner.